Barbie World + [blog]

All of the Guilt, and None of the Chocolate.

It all started when I glimpsed the unexpected two dollars in my purse.

There they were, peeking cheekily out beneath my phone, their soft green papery edges curved like little smiles. "It's Friday," they said. "Treat yourself. You deserve it."

Yes, I though. Yes, I do indeed.

Gosh, I did a whole lot of work this week. Much more than I was hoping to do, considering that a big ol' holiday was sandwiched in the middle. And I haven't had a taste of chocolate in, like, two whole weeks. Not even a little nibble.

Just like that, before I could stop it, the sinister part of my brain had taken over. The part that holds sway over things like Snickers bars and $300 trips to Sephora (one time, okay?!)

The good, honest part of my brain fought back, but it was a feeble effort (probably weak from hunger). I opened my "snack drawer" only to find a sad stash of crystallized ginger and hummus chips, made from chickpeas and ground lentils and all sorts of other wholesome ingredients.

No, not quite what I had in mind.

I grabbed the two dollars and took off toward the kitchen, firmly convinced I was making a conscious, aware choice. Yes, I'm indulging, but it's just this one little thing. Just one candy bar. That is not going to derail anyone's diet. I might even eat half of it... then apply the mindful principles I've learned, gauge my feelings of satiety, and throw out the other half.

(hahahahahahahahahahaha).

I got to the vending machine, mouth watering in anticipating... and suddenly, it all came crashing down.

WHO HAS BEEN EATING ALL THE SNICKERS BARS?!?

There were none left.

After my mindful, twisted, drawn-out anticipation of this experience, I'd worked up quite a craving. But God, in his infinite wisdom, struck probably ten other people with that same craving earlier in the day -- and yea and verily, the vending machine was Snickers-less.

And for that, I shake my fist at God. He's asking for a knuckle sandwich.

I'm not even going to eat these hummus chips now.

I'm just going to stew in a state of chocolate-starved depression and think about all the ridiculous, decadent foods I'll eat in Hilton Head.

So, how's your Friday going?